TRUTH-LAX™
“Let It All Out”
Part of the ongoing series, “Rise of the Turd Reich”, this transcript of a commercial for the consumer product, ‘Truth-Lax’ demonstrates the synergies between corporations and government that were typical of the period.
TV COMMERCIAL: “TRUTH-LAX™ – Let It All Out”
[Open on a washed-out black-and-white scene of a man at a dinner party, clearly struggling to hold something in.]
NARRATOR (somber voice):
Do you suffer from truth constipation?
[He clenches. Sweats. Someone says “Maybe we should fact-check that.” He explodes internally.]
NARRATOR (CONT’D):
Are basic facts and empathy backing you up? Does reality give you gas?
[Cut to a perky blonde host holding up a shiny red-and-brown bottle.]
HOST:
Introducing Truth-Lax™! The only government-approved truth supplement that helps you say whatever comes out naturally, no matter how incoherent, self-contradictory, or pants-on-head dumb it may be!
🎵 [Cue jingle – upbeat, military brass with ukulele]
🎶 “Truth-Lax! For the facts that feel right to you!
Just blurt it out, no source to cite—Truth-Lax pulls you through!” 🎶
TESTIMONIAL #1:
Karen, from Sector 5, clutches her pearls proudly.
"Before Truth-Lax, I used to hesitate before speaking. Now I can yell 'fake news!' at my kids' homework and feel empowered!"
TESTIMONIAL #2:
Greg, a flat-earther with a badge.
“I used to get canceled at barbecues. But now, I just pop a Truth-Lax and confidently explain how windmills cause autism. My parole officer says I’m more assertive!”
ON-SCREEN TEXT:
🚨 Side effects may include: circular logic, excessive projection, mouth farts, historical amnesia, and public meltdowns.
[Cut to a dramatic REENACTMENT: a man is being approached by someone with statistics. He panics.]
NARRATOR:
Tired of being fact-checked? Just take two Truth-Lax and call everyone else a sheep!
HOST (grinning, wild eyes):
Don’t let evidence back you up. Let the bullsh*t flow!™
NARRATOR (quick disclaimer voice):
Truth-Lax™ is not FDA approved because the FDA is run by lizard pedophiles. Ask your conspiracy forum if Truth-Lax is right for you. Not available in California or Europe, because... reasons.
🎵 [Final jingle reprise]
🎶 “Truth-Lax! Don’t hold it in!
Let your guts decide what’s true within!” 🎶
ANNOUNCER:
Order now and receive a free decoder ring that translates feelings into facts! But wait—there’s more! Call in the next 60 seconds and we’ll throw in a bonus pack of Alternative Facts™—perfect for family dinners, congressional hearings, or starting a podcast.
